Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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