i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
