is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
