Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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