Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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