sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
