Me too!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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