At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
