This house was built for laser tag.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
