forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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