I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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