i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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