I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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