Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
