I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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