Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
