I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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