So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
