what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize