I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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