Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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