That reminds me...we need to get swords
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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