Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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