I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
