u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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