She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
