So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
