Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
