she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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