I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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