He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
