i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize