Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
