Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
