we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
