I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
