did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize