You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
