just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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