...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
