Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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