my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my poor anus
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
