so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
