so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize