so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize