Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
