the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
