Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
