That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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