He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
