im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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