Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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