How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
