I just threw up on my dentist
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
