it wasn't lemon gatorade
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
