my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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