if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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