I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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