i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize