Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
