I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
