How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
