I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
