She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
