woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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