i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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