my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
