The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize