Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
