How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
