i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
