The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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