omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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