Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
