Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
