The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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