I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
