if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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