(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
