We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
