I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
