38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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