He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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